Pick a Book Title

Thanks to everyone who's offered ideas and suggestions for my book title. Its critical to get something that's punchy but also meaningful to potential readers.

To recap, the book is aimed at mothers who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and who happen to be raising young children at the same time. Approx. one third of women diagnosed with breast cancer will have kids under eighteen, so there are an awful lot of us out there trying to beat this deadly disease alongside trying to be supermum too!

When I was diagnosed, I found that I had a whole different set of worries and concerns to friends who either had grown up children or none at all. Motherhood impacts on every aspect of our breast cancer journey, from what treatment to have, to coping with the fall out,  to managing on a day to day basis. What this book will do is provide information and inspiration for mums for every step of their journey, from developing coping mechanisms to getting the right support to making critical decisions (for her and her kids). It will provide an insight into my own journey and as well as offering practical solutions to common problems that every mum fighting breast cancer is likely to experience.

More than anything, this book is about choosing to fight. We all have the fight/flight response at times of stress. My book will help mums turn their fears into the strength and mental toughness they need to beat breast cancer and lead their children through this journey in as positive a way as possible.

So how to pick the title? I've promised a copy of the new book "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Hope and Healing for Your Breast Cancer Journey" (featuring one of my own stories) to the person who suggests the title I use either in its original format or as a sub-title. I have had lots of terrific ideas but I'm still not sure as to which is best; which is most catchy and which one will stand out to a mum who needs a book like this. 

Can you help me? I've put together a survey which will help you choose - if you can spare a few minutes to take a look and let me know which one(s) you like bets, it would be super helpful.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LY5FJ22

Lumpectomy or Mastectomy?

In the news, there is an article about lumpectomy vs mastectomy warning that 20% of women who opt for breast conservation surgery (that means removing the minimum amount of breast tissue) will end up needing their entire breast removed anyway, often because the entire tumor was not removed in the first operation.

Deciding on which surgery option is truly a minefield. Before my diagnosis, I assumed that the doctors would simply tell you what treatment you needed and that was that. However, the reality is far more complicated and forces women to make life changing decisions based on often confusing information at a time when stress levels are rocketing out of control and rational thought is as likely as a lottery win.

I'm probably a good example to explain this: I had a lump that in theory could be removed with a lumpectomy. However, the surgeon would need to remove approx one quarter of the breast, meaning some sort of reconstruction may have been necessary in any case. However, going for a mastectomy, whilst recommended, was not essential, so that in the end, the choice was mine. I spent ages researching on the internet and finally asked my doctor this question: If I have a mastectomy & chemo, will that mean the breast cancer won't come back in the other breast? The answer? A resounding NO. In my laymans brain, I concluded that the only way to reduce the chances of more breast cells becoming cancerous was to reduce the number of breast cells themselves. Thus, I had a bi-lateral mastectomy - that's both breasts removed, including the healthy one.

Drastic action, maybe? No way. The stakes for me were simply too high. I couldn't risk a recurrence so I decided I would do whatever I could to reduce my risk, even if I had no definitive proof this would make a difference. In my mind (and the mind has enormous influence over physical well being), I was giving myself more than a fighting chance by taking this action and not for one second have I ever regretted my decision.

Fear of the breast cancer coming back can be overwhelming. All survivors have to live with this, its part of our 'new normal'. Family & friends are aware of this, but for most people, it doesn't register more than an occasional thought. A survivor must learn to take every day for what it is and whilst always being on guard to warning signs, must develop a positive attitude and not waste time worrying about what might happen.

Maybe today you, or someone you love, will have to make a decision between a lumpectomy or mastectomy. Do your research and decide what you can live with long term. The decision is not an easy one and in the end, its personal. What is right for one person will be wrong for another. What I would say though, is removing as many of those b****y breast cells that caused all the bother in the first place, does provide at least a little peace of mind. It also means that any reconstruction is balanced.

Want to read more, here's the link for the news story:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2172887/One-breast-cancer-victims-refuse-mastectomy-need-second-operation.html

What did you do? Any regrets? What advice would you give to a mum making a decision today?

Back in bed blogging again. Sad to say I made no progress on my book edit yesterday due to the distractions of Ramshackles Beach on the West Coast of Barbados. It was one of those perfect Bajan days, blue sky with whispy white clouds flinging themselves around an enormous sky, a beautiful back drop to the clearest, calmest sea and powdery white sand...yes, I am going to miss this little island in a few weeks. The kids spent hours paddling, diving with the turtles, searching for sea glass and digging holes (to catch unsuspecting tourists). Just so you know I'm not making this up, here's what my view looked like yesterday:

So I fear my editing may take a bit of a back burner for the next few weeks, the only progress going on in my head since its hard to take a laptop to the beach. The children and I have 9 more days to enjoy Barbados before we move back permanently to the UK, and wave bye bye to 'The Rock' for a while. When we get back to Suffolk there will be a million and one things to organise, not least registering with a doctor & finding an oncologist to continue my treatment. I am somewhat nervous of changing doctors, not least because the ones I've had in Bim have been amazing. I have felt safe in their care and trust their judgement implicitly. I feel that the relationship with your doctor is critical to making confident decisions and feeling positive about the future.

What do you think? Has your relationship with your doctor been positive or negative?

Telling Friends and Family you have Breast Cancer

This whole blogging thing is a bit of a mystery to me. I'm sitting on my bed, (dressed, but still glad you can't see me), no doubt red in the face from my morning run, (translation: slow heaving jog that lasts until I am near total collapse) and wondering if blogging is just a distraction from what I should really be doing i.e. finishing the editing on my book.

I have the first chapter sorted, eight more to go...Chapter Two is one about how to tell people you have breast cancer, including your children, which still ranks for me as the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Charlie was seven and Lucie was three and I was all alone, as my then husband was working offshore (he didn't come home until 12 days after my diagnosis). How do you tell a toddler you have a life threatening illness without totally terrifying them? How do you reassure your children that everything will be OK when you know you can't because you don't actually know if it will be OK and you know you can't make a promise like that? Telling friends and family is another challenge, their grief another weight upon already overburdened shoulders. In writing about it, I am trying to share my experience and what I learnt, plus throw in that marvelous thing called hindsight! I also want to give other mums some guidelines and real help so that they will be better prepared than I was. Telling people you have breast cancer is awful, not least because you are still struggling to come to terms with it yourself, with no idea on what will happen, yet you still have to deal with everyone else's trauma.

I found that many people were shocked and didn't know what to say - they would react like someone had died and I wanted to scream at them that I hadn't died yet so please don't give me your condolences! I did discover too that some dear friends had the knack for sending me into a deep well of depression while others had a gift for listening and drawing me away from demons back to an emotional place of strength. Tip: surround yourself by friends who will make you stronger, who will fight alongside you with a positive attitude. Ditch anyone who brings you down, you don't have time for negativity, so walk away, literally if need be.

Sun is shining here in Barbados, I have less than 2 weeks before we move back to England permanently so must squeeze in a few hours work on my chapter now, so I can go to the beach later! (And yes, you can still look great in a bikini after a bi-lateral mastectomy & reconstruction!!).

 I'm wondering, how did you tell your kids? How old were they? What advice would you give other mums? I'd love to hear from you,
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My First Ever Blog for other Breast Cancer Mums

Four years ago my world fell apart and my life as I knew it would change forever. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my initial reaction was disbelief, immediately followed by a state of terror that can still overwhelm me in my darker moments.

I was 43 when I heard the news. The idea of losing my breast or getting radio or chemo was bad enough but the true devastation was the realization that I might die and leave my children to grow up without a mum. My son Charlie was seven at the time, my daughter Lucie was three and the doctors were talking in terms of a 5 year prognosis. It wasn’t long enough!

If you’re reading this, my first ever blog, then I’m guessing you have some sort of connection to breast cancer yourself. If you are a mum with a baby or school aged kids (like me) and you are facing a battle to beat breast cancer, then I hope you will keep reading my future blogs as my intention is to inspire and help other mums following a similar journey.

What I discovered was that around one third of all women diagnosed with breast cancer will have children under the age of 18. That translates to millions of us trying to raise a family whilst at the same time beat a life threatening illness. Parenting is challenging on good days, so throw in breast cancer and all the baggage it brings with it and it is total madness.

For me, the struggle was intensified because I felt so powerless. I felt that my kids were at risk and no matter what I did, how hard I prayed, how many chemo treatments I endured, I still couldn’t ensure I would survive. This fear was so utterly consuming for me, that in the end, I found myself on the verge of total collapse and I knew I had to make a choice. I chose to fight: I didn’t know back in 2008 that I would be blessed with at least 4 more years to love and care for my beloved children and I don’t know today how many more years I have.

But I do know that on the day I chose to fight, I changed my life. You can’t change the fact you have breast cancer and you can’t control the outcome. But you can control your attitude and your approach to dealing with it. I’m not saying you have to be supermum and be so brave you never shed a tear! Quite the opposite in fact. I’m a big believer in blubbing and crying whenever you need the release, but I also know you need to have the courage and strength to turn the tap off, dry your eyes and get back to the battleground.

So in this blog, I will try to share ideas and thoughts and things that helped me get through. Connecting with someone else who is facing the same challenges can be a bit like cyber hand holding;  it won’t make it better, but it may be enough to make you smile on a day when you thought it would be impossible.

I am working with an editor right now to try and complete a book I’ve written especially to help mums who’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer but have to deal with all the other issues that arise with having young children at such a difficult time. I know that every aspect of my diagnosis, prognosis and treatment impacted my children, as well as me.

My goal four years ago was to survive. I count my blessings for every cancer free day and try to use my experience to live in the present, value what I have today, and not waste precious time worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow.

I selected this post to be featured on Breast Cancer Blogs. Please visit the site and vote for my blog!